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My days have been sweet and sour lately. I don't like sweet and sour. Each moment of happiness and pride is tinged with a fear that I am missing something, that my happiness will be short-lived, and that there is trouble brewing.



I want to have the confidence in myself that I used to have, that I'll be able to pull through whatever it is, no sweat. But the World is a different place now, and I have more than myself to look out for.



The worst feeling is that I may be going it alone. I hope that is only a feeling, a fear coming to the surface for me to face. A doubt that comes only from the security I got accustomed to being suddenly unsure. I never did like getting comfortable that way anyway, but I can't help but have the nagging feeling whatever it is will drag that security out from under me quite suddenly like a rug.



Maybe it's just all the changes and deadlines hitting me at once. I haven't worked a job in quite some time, and with the economy the way that it is, especially here, and with my illness and whatnot, finding even menial work is harder than I supposed.



I'll find a way, I know there is always a way. That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge into a breakdown somedays, but it keeps the tension on. Yes, there is a way, and as soon as I find it, I'll breath a little easier I think.

COMMENTS

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dragonthunder
10:23 Aug 02 2011

friends thats what give me confidence

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